Poem by Barbara Meddings

Jersey Wotsits

We went on a journey over the sea

To go hill climbing in Jersey.

We meet at Portsmouth the night before

At the hotel it’s warmer when we open the door!

It was so cold we almost froze

And we all had need of extra clothes!

Down to the ship we made our way

To be on board for a very long stay.

Across the sea, thank goodness calm

Then for trailer wotsits at the farm!

Then over to the Ommeroo,

For some a wonderful car park view!

Our rooms are bright, but some quite small

With arms outstretched some can touch both walls!

Our bijou bathroom is quite neat

But when I bend down to wash my feet

The towel rail is close and very hot

 It makes me jump when I burn my bot!

Along the corridors with carpets frayed

Down to the bar we quickly made.

The barman’ s not the best we think

It’s such a big deal to serve our drinks.

Wine with a cork is an ask too far

So Brian opens it, his side of the bar.

Next day we’re off to the farm again.

More trailer wotsits. What a pain!

We make our way to La Pulente

To make our debut at the event.

Along the lanes, down to the coast

To a paddock of sand, where we all roast.

It’s a blast along the road – a sprint.

You might well miss it if you blink!

Us pit crew, we clomp back and forth

Our legs are tired, our feet are sore!

They may be hot while in a car

But they haven’t travelled half so far!

I’m hot, I’m tired I want to go

But the miserable Clerk just says “No”.

Then back to the farm. Oh what a pain!

It’s trailer wotsits all over again!

Next morning at the crack of dawn

We’re up early with lots of yawns.

 Guess what we’re doing yet again.

It’s trailer wotsits -another pain!

Down to the roadside to unload.

Then to a spud farm along the road.

 To park the trailer, yes you’ve guessed.

It’s trailer wotsits. What a pest!

The hill was challenging, really hairy,

Stone walls and trees to make it scary.

The times came down throughout the day

So happy drivers came away.

More fun with trailers for the night.

Lots of shouting to get it right.

Next day we’re up to get the car.

Then park the trailer, it’s not far.

Paul sets off to park the lorry

But then we all begin to worry.

We turned left, but he went right

And gave himself an awful fright!

The lane he’s in is not that wide

The walls, they nearly touch his sides.

He’s lost. No phone. We cannot speak.

His phone, it rings on our car seat!

At last he turns, a bit of luck.

As he arrives having parked the truck!

The cars fire up, some locals moan

While we are filmed by an overhead drone.

The cars they whizz up Greve de Lac

And motor down along the track.

A squirrel meets a sticky end

As killer June drives round the bend.

Keith’s car is with an acorn bombed

“It wasn’t me you’ve got it wrong!

The car that did it, it was blue

Leave me alone ’cause it was June!”

When Keith inspects his racing car

It’s very clear he can’t go far.

His half shaft’s twisted like barley sugar

No racing for him. Oh dear! Oh …… !

Then it’s trailer wotsits yet again

As we collect them up the lane.

Again we push and strap cars down

This trailer lark comes round and round.

Our last day comes, a time of leisure.

To enjoy the island at our pleasure.

Then a final hitch up to the car

The trailer’s on “Hurrah, hurrah!”

And when we thought that all was done

Came a trailer episode that was not fun.

To negotiate a ferry in reverse

Was enough to make us swear and curse.

Diagonally first, up on a slope

While negotiating planks, t’was hard to cope.

Along the deck, around a bend

Will this reversing ever end!

Right down the ship between the lorries

It’s nerve wracking stuff with lots of worries.

We park at last, what a load of trouble

We need a drink, at least a double!

As if that wasn’t just enough

Of this trailer wotsits stuff.

You would have trouble to believe

What befell poor Jane and Steve.

They drove onto the Seacat fine.

Up the ramp in a good straight line.

The journey’s quick, the sea was flat

But fate approached just after that.

They’re in the car, at the ready.

To leave the Seacat nice and steady.

The loader waved them with his hand.

So Steve drove off with a mighty BANG!

The man next to them gave a roar

“You’ve just gone off with my car door!”

The car is draughty. The kids are crying!

His wife shouts out. She thinks they’re dying.

When Steve and Jane take a look around

T’was not a pretty sight they found.

Their trailer’s got a little more.

In fact, it’s got an extra door!

A forklift comes to sort it out.

But it just makes Jane squeal and shout.

“My pretty car, please take care.

I don’t want it lifting in the air!

Please be careful,” she just begs

“Treat it like a box of eggs.”

At last they leave but at the gate

They find it locked ’cause they’re so late.

Eventually they’re on the road

After yet another trailer episode!

So Dick’s advice, it is the best.

This trailer business really is a pest!

So next time that we go afar

We’ll all invest in road going cars!

Barbara Meddings – 17.9.17